Struggle with Self Image...

(This is Not Me)

One thing no one ever explained to me is how hard it is mentally to be pregnant. I have never been a heavy person, nor have I ever looked chubby. Being pregnant is taking it's toll on my self esteem. Every outfit I put on, no matter how cute or fashionable it may be, does not make me feel comfortable about my size. Even though I am 24 weeks pregnant, I have not gained any weight and am still 4 pounds below my original weight. I look as though I have gained a ton of weight though. I wouldn't mind as much if I looked obviously pregnant. The problem is, I just look like a "thicker" girl. No matter how much time I put into my appearance I still look horrible and ugly. I know what most people are saying and it's, "no you don't, you look beautiful." The problem is, I feel that they are only saying that because they don't want to hurt my feelings. Or my husband is only saying it because all of the daddy books he has read has told him that he better not say anything different. I HATE it when people point out my belly. I don't think it's cute, I don't think I look cute with it. I have the giggles I get from my mother-in-law when she notices my stomach sticking out farther than the day before. Ya sure, it's exciting for everyone else, but it's not their body they are watching transform to a balloon. Don't get me wrong, I know it will be all worth it in the end. I just want to scream at every person who mentions that my stomach is sticking out. I just feel like saying, "Thanks, I wasn't aware I am noticeably a fat ass now." I hate it, I hate looking the way I look, I miss my body, not that it was that great before, but it was me. I felt comfortable in it. I know that I'll look back one day and maybe looking over pictures I'll say, oh, I did make a cute prego chick. but for now that's not how I feel. I have taken one picture of my belly and when I saw it, i realized I still look way way teeny, that was a few weeks ago though. But when I look at myself in the mirror I feel nothing but disgust. It may be abnormal, but whatever. It also doesn't help that I decided I needed a change with my hair, so I cut bangs, needless to say, I hate them. The girl who cut them made them way to thick. I just want to go back in time and leave my bangs the way they were. And another problem is how pale I am all of the time. I'm not one to go tanning often, and rarely go during warm months, but I do partake in the occasional tanning bed in cold months, just to maintain my summer color. I cannot do that and as a result I look sickly and dead. My skin just has this chalky color to it, and I can't do anything about it. I have thought about trying that spray on tan stuff, but I'm afraid that will turn my into an oompa loompa. Part of me just wants to go tanning and just keep the sessions short and more frequent. My doctor let me know that only problem with tanning during pregnancy is that it heats your body. So my theory is if I keep it short and get out if I start feeling too warm, then what's the harm in it. I just need to feel like me again, I need to regain the confidence I had in my image, I want to feel attractive. I 'm sorry this is a complaining post, but I just had to get it out. If you have any suggestions on how to make yourself feel and look beautiful during pregnancy, send em my way.