October and Fall..

I love fall, it is by far my favorite season! There's nothing bad about it. The atmosphere, the smells, and activities, all amazing. I would be perfectly happy if it was fall all year round. The best things to ever happen to me have mostly all happened in the fall, mainly October. There's a romantic, peaceful vibe that comes across the world in this glorious month. I don't know if it's the vibrant colors of the leaves. The warm sweaters and evening walks. The Halloween season. The spicy smells. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE it.

This year has been quite the different year for me. I've had to take a giant leap back from myself to look at the person that I was becoming. I did not like that person. It was only a few weeks ago that it all hit me and knocked me on my ass, hard. The only person who can change the direction I was headed, was me. What does this all have to do with fall?? I'm starting a new season of my life. The branches of me are shedding their old leaves to pave the way for new ones. I've sported the same leaves for a while now, and now that I see they need to go, I see the beauty in them. (plain ol' green leaves just weren't doing it for me) Change is hard, change is good. I know I'm in for a rough ride of rediscovering myself. But it's all worth it! I am so excited to get back to being Amber! 'Cause she's pretty effing awesome. This may sound silly but fall is the perfect time for this all to happy to me. It has always been the time when I'm out and about doing things that make me happy. I'm going to start up new hobbies and dive back into old ones. I'm going to let my family, friends, and neighbors know that I care about them. I'm going to climb into a cozy sweater and watch football cuddled up with the love of my life and our little man. This fall I'm making it a goal to do things that make me happy and encourage others to do the same! Take time for yourself. Don't lose yourself in the person that you think other people want you to be. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE. I learned this lesson a long time ago, but somehow forgot it in the chaos of life.. It is 100% impossible to make someone else truly happy, if you are not happy yourself. Again, this may sound silly, but I'm am writing a list of things I can do that will make me happy, and I am going to do them all, or at least try to, in the month of October. It's my goal to keep myself busy with happy work and hopefully create a habit of it so that I don't keep falling back into the same misery trap. As I do each item I'll write a totally awesome blog about it! So keep in touch! (I don't know if I have any readers out there, but I can pretend!)

Happy Monday!

Hi, Hello, How are ya?

So it's been forever since I posted on this lovely thing. I've decided that I need more hobbies in my life so I am going to start posting on the blog again, but don't hold me to it!

So I'll just give you all a super quick "teaser" update.

All of us over at the Forman household are doing pretty well. Jim is working at L-3 Communications as a Project Planner. It's an incredibly high stress job, but he is amazing at it. Julian is 15 months old yesterday and the biggest sweetheart ever. He is a little clone of Jim. He is so funny and has such a bold personality. I have just started a new job at a place called Thermal Technologies. I am over contractor relations. It's interesting so far. We're still living out in Herriman and taking our life as it comes to us.

Right now I can't really think of anything else to write about so this is it for the day. Maybe I'll do a little post featuring Julian this week so you all can get to know our little man!

Have a great Monday!

Update...

Sorry it's been forever since I updated this thing in so long, our life has been go-go-go. So anyway. We've made it to 35 weeks! Though we went to the doctor yesterday and were basically told to be on our toes, he's right there are ready to come. As we were leaving the doctor I was telling Jim that I think he'll be born next week or a week and a half at the most. Jim was trying to convince me that I was just being paranoid and that Julian is going to stay put until his due date. Not 5 minutes later I received a random text from one of Jim's best friends. She is one of those people who has killer intuition and just knows things. The text said, in short, you will have a baby either Wednesday or Thursday, which is exactly how I feel as well. She just has a feeling I'll go into labor on Wednesday and Julian will be born on Thursday. We'll see though. So anyway, Jim and and I just sitting back and waiting. I think he'll be born in the next week or so. I'll let you all know!

Be Worried...

So I woke up this morning around 6:30am with some pretty gnarly contractions. At first I though nothing about it, just some Braxton Hicks ones right. I had two of these in about an hour and still went on my way to work. Around 8:30 things changed a little. I started to get this feeling like someone was wringing out my insides just as you would a towel. Again I figured it wasn't that big of a deal. That's until I had that feeling come and go about every 20 minutes. At that point I called my doctor and was told to come in immediately. I called Jim and let him know what the doctor had said. I still wasn't super worried. I wasn't completely convinced that I was even having contractions. Jim on the other hand, freaked out and realized the urgency of the situation. We got to the doctor and were pulled right in. After a full preterm labor examination my doctor, who also happens to be my aunt, said she's not at all comfortable with my situation. I am dilated to a 2 and 50% thinned out in my cervix, at 31 weeks. Ya, that's not good. She ran some fetal neck something something something test, luckily that came back negative. Which means we're 90% sure our little dude won't come in the next 2 weeks. I have to go back on Wednesday and be checked again, if I've dilated more, then the panic starts. Today's appointment ended with a, not so optimistic doctor saying telling us all we need is 3 more weeks, after that, he can come, she wouldn't be super happy that he is born at 34 weeks, but it would work out just fine. The funny part is, I texted Jim yesterday and told him I think we're closer to Julian's birthday than either of us realize. And, Jim thought I was being a psycho for this, but I've made us pack our hospital bags. Apparently my intuition is better than I thought. So for now I am just on some medication to slow the labor process and. hopefully stop my uterus from contracting for a few weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for the next 3 weeks is the advice, among other things, we were given at the doctor today. I know the wording of this sounds like I'm not too worried, that's not the case... I'm just super tired and writing this fast! Anyway, life will go on as planned right now, we are just going to speed our moving in process up and set up the baby's room a lot faster than we anticipated. I'll keep ya'll posted!

Who Will Julian Look Like?...

Jim

Amber

Due to my small size at 29 weeks and the multiple complications with the pregnancy, my doctor was concerned that our little dude wasn't growing. So we got to have another ultrasound this past Tuesday. No worries though, he is perfectly fine, he's just a little baby because I'm a little person. As of Tuesday he weighed 2lbs 11oz! He still has a bit of growing to do. Anyway, where this going is, begin able to have an ultrasound so far along Jim and I were able to see a lot of Julian's features and kind of get an idea of what he'll look like. Ya, I know, he'll probably look nothing like what we were able to see on the ultrasound, but it's still fun to imagine. Jim has been having dreams of the day he is born a lot lately, all he can ever remember is that he was teeny and had lots of dark hair. I've been trying to visualize his little face and I have a feeling he'll look a lot more like Jim than like me.

Anyway, things are becoming more and more real now. As we attend child birth classes and doctor appointments, Jim and I are learning just how high at risk we are for preterm labor. Our doctor and the instructors of the child birth class listed the main factors that cause preterm labor, Jim and I sat there and put a check mark by every one. This knowledge has us a little worried, but we figured that if our little dude can hang out in there for at least six more weeks he'll be just fine. We are due on July 5th, though both Jim and I think he;ll decide to make he's debut sometime in June. My instincts are telling me to go on maternity leave around June 15th, but the worker in me wants to stay there until June 30th. I have a feeling I'll end up working, literally until the day he is born.

These next couple weeks are going to be way exciting for our little family. Next weekend I have my first baby shower! I'm pretty excited for this. It's my family shower and two of Jim's aunts were nice enough to put it together for me! We will also, cross your fingers, finally be moving into OUR house next weekend! It's been a long time coming. We were told we would be able to move in clear back in January, but do to unforeseen circumstances, the family currently living in our house was not able to move out. Jim and I have been extremely patient with the whole situation. We have not been able to access a lot of our stuff, which is in the basement of the house, nor have we been able to prepare the baby's room and do some remodeling like we planned. But given that everything goes well, we will be moving in on May 1st!!!!! Anyway, the following weekend, my girls Mollie and Caitlin are throwing me a baby shower for my friends! They worked so hard hand making the invitations and planning! I can't wait!

There was more I wanted to get into, but this post is already getting longer than I wanted it to be!

Have a wonderful weekend!

When a Quest for Beauty Backfires...

So I broke down on Sunday and had to put some effort into feeling pretty again. My first stop was the tanning salon *gasp*. It's ok people, I did lots of research, even texted my OB and got the ok before doing this. The only rules were to keep my body cool and not lay in the bed for more than 12 minutes. So I lotioned up, turned the tanning bed fans on full blast, and climbed on in. I figured I would go three or four times in the next couple weeks and this would give me a nice color that would hold me over until it is warm enough to actually go out and get some all natural sun! Needless to say, I got a little burnt, not bad though. Anyway, my original plan was to get my legs and whoha waxed that day and go tanning afterward. Well I called the day spa multiple times with no answer, so I figured that they wouldn't be able to get me in before Jim and I had to leave for other events of the day, so I went tanning instead. AFTER I left the tanning salon, the day spa called me back and let me know that had a 12:30 appointment open. It was 11:40. Ya, I booked it. I hurried home, took a quick shower, I wasn't about to go to the spa smelling like tanning, and rushed over to the spa. I was a little late, but only like 5 minutes, so it doesn't even count. We went back into a lavender room where some soft Native American music was playing, I laughed a little on the inside. Anyway, the waxing began. It wasn't that bad. some areas hurt more than others, but I figured it would all be worth it. Everything wrapped up and I was on my way. Here's the catch, I did two things differently than I ever have before when waxing. I went tanning before, and I didn't shower and apply a generous amount of lotion after. I was in a hurry and just threw my jeans back on and went about my day. BAD IDEA. As a result of waxing with a sunburn and not moisturizing after, my legs have been itching like crazy and are covered in little red dots! It sucks so bad! I don't even like Jim seeing my legs cause I looks like I was attacked by a million bugs! Anyway, I tries using benadryl all over, thinking it was an allergic reaction to the wax, that soothed the itching but didn't reduce the redness. So finally I requested the help of Yahoo! Answers. I asked if this reaction was normal and how to fix it! Thank goodness, it is a normal reaction, especially if you don't moisturize your skin after. Some lady told me to get some GiGi two step after waxing treatment from Sally Beauty Supply. I picked it up yesterday and already have seen improvement in the redness and the itching is now in just a few places, mostly my knees and shins. So, cross your fingers that my legs will go back to normal in the next couple days! Lesson learned --go tanning after waxing, then shower and use a gallon on lotion!

Struggle with Self Image...

(This is Not Me)

One thing no one ever explained to me is how hard it is mentally to be pregnant. I have never been a heavy person, nor have I ever looked chubby. Being pregnant is taking it's toll on my self esteem. Every outfit I put on, no matter how cute or fashionable it may be, does not make me feel comfortable about my size. Even though I am 24 weeks pregnant, I have not gained any weight and am still 4 pounds below my original weight. I look as though I have gained a ton of weight though. I wouldn't mind as much if I looked obviously pregnant. The problem is, I just look like a "thicker" girl. No matter how much time I put into my appearance I still look horrible and ugly. I know what most people are saying and it's, "no you don't, you look beautiful." The problem is, I feel that they are only saying that because they don't want to hurt my feelings. Or my husband is only saying it because all of the daddy books he has read has told him that he better not say anything different. I HATE it when people point out my belly. I don't think it's cute, I don't think I look cute with it. I have the giggles I get from my mother-in-law when she notices my stomach sticking out farther than the day before. Ya sure, it's exciting for everyone else, but it's not their body they are watching transform to a balloon. Don't get me wrong, I know it will be all worth it in the end. I just want to scream at every person who mentions that my stomach is sticking out. I just feel like saying, "Thanks, I wasn't aware I am noticeably a fat ass now." I hate it, I hate looking the way I look, I miss my body, not that it was that great before, but it was me. I felt comfortable in it. I know that I'll look back one day and maybe looking over pictures I'll say, oh, I did make a cute prego chick. but for now that's not how I feel. I have taken one picture of my belly and when I saw it, i realized I still look way way teeny, that was a few weeks ago though. But when I look at myself in the mirror I feel nothing but disgust. It may be abnormal, but whatever. It also doesn't help that I decided I needed a change with my hair, so I cut bangs, needless to say, I hate them. The girl who cut them made them way to thick. I just want to go back in time and leave my bangs the way they were. And another problem is how pale I am all of the time. I'm not one to go tanning often, and rarely go during warm months, but I do partake in the occasional tanning bed in cold months, just to maintain my summer color. I cannot do that and as a result I look sickly and dead. My skin just has this chalky color to it, and I can't do anything about it. I have thought about trying that spray on tan stuff, but I'm afraid that will turn my into an oompa loompa. Part of me just wants to go tanning and just keep the sessions short and more frequent. My doctor let me know that only problem with tanning during pregnancy is that it heats your body. So my theory is if I keep it short and get out if I start feeling too warm, then what's the harm in it. I just need to feel like me again, I need to regain the confidence I had in my image, I want to feel attractive. I 'm sorry this is a complaining post, but I just had to get it out. If you have any suggestions on how to make yourself feel and look beautiful during pregnancy, send em my way.